I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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