get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
