He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
