Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
