she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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