You just made me feel so damn special
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
