her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
