I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
