My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
