i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
