she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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