Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
