so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Randomize
