well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
