She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
