Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
