cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
two words...techno handjob
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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