Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
