if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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