This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
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