I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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