onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
