I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
