every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
