I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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