is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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