you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
