I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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