i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
me + whiskey = a bad person
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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