I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
