You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
