we're chasing vodka with high fives
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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