Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
