I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
