Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
