Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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