so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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