i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He shit in the fireplace
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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