I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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