If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
