She's JV to your varsity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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