I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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