I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
