So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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