there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
