i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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