This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
