You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Let's get the cat blown out
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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