Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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