any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
